30 Practical Ways for Pastors to Love Their Wives & Families

Here’s a great read from IXMarks Ministries on being a godly husband and father not necessarily to be limited to just full-time pastors and missionaries. It also applies to part-time intern-pastors such as myself, although I very strongly yearn to be a full-time one-day, chemists, cooks, doctors, engineers, janitors, lawyers, mailmen, pharmacists, police officers, professors, teachers, and even future husbands and fathers. Read it, be convicted by it, be exposed of your shortcomings, be thankful for your godly and patient wife, be humbled by the fact that you sin against your child or children even as he/she or they do against you (and they’re probably not even regenerated), rejoice that you are still Christ’s nevertheless, then pray and resolve to grow by His persistent grace. Man, I would give up on the San Antonio Spurs to be this type of a husband and father. Here is the read:

30 Practical Ways For Pastors to Love Their Wives & Families

Compiled by several pastors

The demands of pastoral ministry can be tough on the pastor’s wife and family. Not only do they tempt him to neglect his family, they can leave him void of good, creative, meaningful ideas on how to love and serve them.

Pastor, we cannot help you with the temptation to neglect them, other than exhort you to flee this temptation—Christ hasn’t neglected you, has he?! But perhaps we can help you with several practical ideas to help motivate you to love and serve your wife and children more effectively. Here they are:

IN RELATION TO YOUR FAMILY...

1. Take the initiative and establish a plan for family worship. Then follow the plan! (Don Whitney encourages “brevity, regularity, and flexibility” in family worship.)
   
   
2. Come home at the exact time you say you will be home; and prepare your heart to serve your family, not be served.
   
   
3. Take responsibility for your children’s education and discipline—don’t leave it to your wife to figure out.
   
   
4. Share with your wife and kids some of the good things that are going on in the church, and then thank them for helping to make that possible.
   
   
5. Use every hour of your vacation time. And take a vacation that does not involve extended family; restrict it to just your wife and kids.
   
   
6. Take a two week vacation.
   
   
7. Diligently guard your days off.
   
   
8. There are times when it seems like you have to choose whether to be a good dad/husband or a good pastor. Good pastors choose to be good dad/husbands.

   IN RELATION TO YOUR WIFE…

9. Get up early and have your quiet time, so that you can take the kids in the morning while your wife has her quiet time.
   
   
10. Give her flowers and a hand written card when she least expects it.
    
    
11. Regularly schedule a date night and take the initiative on logistics, i.e. organize the baby-sitter, make reservations, and have a plan.
    
    
12. Make sure you know her favorite restaurant, meal, flowers, ice cream flavor, and movie.
    
    
13. Schedule a weekly time where you watch the kids and your wife gets out to do whatever she wants—not errands. When you can, give her a whole day off from the kids.
    
    
14. Decide together with your wife how many evenings you will be gone and honor what has been agreed upon.
    
    
15. On Sundays, leave for church a few minutes early to stop and get your wife her favorite coffee drink.
    
    
16. Ask your wife over a romantic dinner areas she wants to see you improve.
    
    
17. Take your wife to an encouraging conference.
    
    
18. Plan regular out-of-town personal retreats for just you and her. Plan time on your retreat to write down all the evidences of grace you see in one another’s lives and then share them with one another. Later, spend time writing down your hopes for ways you want to grow as husband and father over the coming year (she doing the same for herself) and then share them with one another.
    
    
19. Respect and seek her opinion on things concerning the church.
    
    
20. Go for long walks.

    IN RELATION TO YOUR CHILDREN…

21. Have deliberate one-on-one time weekly with each of your children, probably to include playing, reading scripture, or praying.
    
    
22. Date your daughters.
    
    
23. Leave the church at church so dad can be dad at home.
    
    
24. Take a child with you on visits or short term trips.
    
    
25. Ask your children questions that allow you to shepherd their hearts, such as these (these questions were posted by Justin Taylor, and were originally devised by Pastor Rich Gamache of Sovereign Grace Fellowship)
    
    
    • In your own words, what is the gospel?
      
    • Is there a specific sin you’re aware of that you need my help defeating?
      
    • Are you more aware of my encouragement or my criticism?
      
    • What’s daddy most passionate about?
      
    • Do I act the same at church as I do when I’m at home?
      
    • Are you aware of my love for you?
      
    • Is there any way I’ve sinned against you that I’ve not repented of?
      
    • Do you have any observations for me?
      
    • How am I doing as a dad?
      
    • How have Sunday’s sermons impacted you?
      
    • Does my relationship with mom make you excited to be married?
      
    • (On top of these things, with my older kids, I’m always inquiring about their relationship with their friends and making sure God and his gospel are the center of those relationship. And I look for every opportunity to praise their mother and increase their appreciation and love for her.)
26. Take an interest in what your children enjoy doing.
    
    
27. Read to them. Buy books they will enjoy. Take them to the library.
    
    
28. Sing with them.
    
    
29. Pray for them and with them.
    
    
30. Be careful not to put them in the spotlight at church (stop using them for every other sermon illustration!).

Contributors (all pastors): Bret Capranica (San Jacinto, CA), Brian Croft (Louisville, KY), Bob Johnson (Roseville, MI), Michael Lawrence (Washington, DC), Mike McKinley (Sterling, VA), Deepak Reju (Washington, DC), and Jeramie Rinne (Hingham, MA)

One Man's Plea for Understanding: Justification by Faith Alone

Here is Dr. C. Matthew McMahon's (from www.apuritansmind.com) exhortation for the church to call attention to the cornerstone of the Christian faith: Justification by Faith Alone!

Justification by Faith Alone: A Plea for Understanding
by Dr. C. Matthew McMahon

Most of the 21st century church despises doctrine. They simply hate to learn. They would much rather “feel” their way through a church service than listen to sound preaching. It may not necessarily be that they hate to learn, as if everyone hated such a thing (something they engage in every moment of every day) but surely their disability to think properly lends to their incapability to sit through a preaching service of two hours. (And such a length of time was not uncommon in the puritan era – as a matter of fact, many were just getting started at that point.) I suppose that it would be politically correct to say they are “mentally challenged.” We often use this phrase as a joke, but when it concerns the everlasting abode of the never dying soul and the theology they believe, then it is no laughing matter. This is not something profound or new. Far be it for a modern congregation to heartily cling to sound doctrine and teaching in this day and age of relative thought and its strategy towards the dissolution of absolute truth. If you are among the remnant of God who has been so blessed to find a biblically sound church, peace be unto to, and happiness be granted to your soul by the Lord Jesus! But for the rest of the church, they are steeped in false doctrine taught by false “prophets.” Ignorance is not bliss here. Most of the time the church has lent itself to this rejection of truth because they have not learned how to think. People simply do not have the skills to think rightly. Ask them what the law of non-contradiction is and they could not tell you, though they follow it all day long. But their long settled ignorance affords no excuse to beginning anew even now. The saying “you can’t teach an old dog new tricks” is not true for the Christian walk. The Christian should be learning about the Lord Jesus and the doctrines of the Bible every day.

In this plethora of sound doctrine to learn throughout the Bible, there are some doctrines which are certainly more important than others. For instance, the teachings concerning the genealogical lines of the Old Testament are not as important as the New Testament doctrine of adoption. I hope you agree with me that the genealogies are very important, and should be studied and read (yet most skip them in their daily Bible reading!). There are jewels to be found there in the book of Numbers, and Chronicles, and the like. But I think you would also agree that genealogies are not as important as the doctrine of Adoption. I would certainly teach the doctrine of Adoption much earlier before I would engage the church to listen to a sermon on the genealogies listed in Numbers or Chronicles.

However, in the sea of doctrine which we are all to be familiar with throughout the Word of God, there may be a doctrine which is more important than any other; one which is the most important of all. Some may vouchsafe for the atonement. I must admit, the atonement is crucial, critical and the crux of saving grace for the believer. But, the importance of a doctrine does not simply fall on the kind of doctrine or the content of the doctrine, but also on the need of the doctrine as well. Eschatology is very important, but not as important as the need to understand the atonement. Today, I believe, as it was in the sixteenth century, the need to regain lost ground in understanding the doctrine of Justification by faith alone has come to the forefront. Most people, even those in Reformed circles, those who claim Luther as a hero, have little to say about justification. I have been a member of solid reformed churches for quite a long time. Yet, I have heard very little about justification by faith alone. I cannot remember a sermon dedicated to the subject. It has been neglected in the school setting, in the home study groups, and in the pulpit. It is a vital doctrine that we cannot do without. Its urgency dictates the difference between one going to heaven and one going to hell. It is of crucial significance and should be rightly understood by those who claim Christ as their banner. If justification is misunderstood, being the pillar upon which the church stands or falls, then what will the rest of our doctrine look like? Will it be a nominal Christianity? Would it be works righteousness? I think it would. To understand that we must be clothed in the righteousness of Christ for safety in the Day of Judgment is of vital import.

As I believe the doctrine of seeking is all but lost in our day, I also believe the doctrine of justification is slowly being forgotten. Friends, without it we are lost. Without understanding it we will not truly perceive the great wonder of the grace of God in Christ. It is my hope that in this section of the website such a glorious truth may be exalted beyond measure, that it may bring a great amount of glory to the one true and living God of the Ages. Let us think rightly about one of the most, if not the most important doctrine in the entire bible, the Doctrine of Justification by Faith alone.

C. Matthew McMahon

May 1, 2002

Free Resolved 2008 Conference Downloads

Wow, 12 sermons total! Download all of them (Click Here!) when you have the time. Listen, learn, enjoy, and grow!

Interest Insight Into the NBA-Donaghy Controversy

If you are interested, here are a few new videos and article concerning the NBA-Donaghy controversy (Click Here!). Note also the piece on the Sonics and the Suns 1993 Western Conference Finals. Not long after I started playing basketball in the early nineties, I became a crazy fan of the Seattle Supersonics, primarily because of Shawn Kemp. I remember the very day and time when this game took place and how the Sonics were down and never got a break in that game. Ever since then, whenever I see a team down by about fifteen points, I can't help but recall that very game. It's strangely and deeply imbedded in my mind. Now, I didn't know that there was such a discrepancy in the free throws shot between the two teams. I just hope it wasn't "worked" because I still have to live with the scientifically-impossible-but-still-counted 0.4 second Derek Fisher shot and the NBA's-officially-acknowledged-but-too-late-too-bad-non-foul-call for Brent Barry!

James White on Romans 9

If you have 47 minutes and 26 seconds to spare, or more properly, to invest in time to listen and learn, then check out James White's exegesis of Romans 9: Click Here! If not, then download it and listen to it when you do. HIGHLY RECOMMENDED!

On Personal Bible Reading

Appreciate, enjoy, learn, be challenged, be encouraged, and be motivated from reading Dr. Mark Dever's and Dr. Albert Mohler's take on personal Bible reading.

For Dever's: Read it Here!

For Mohler's: Read it Here!

A Consequence of Independence (Spiritually Speaking)!

Here is an example of what happens when the created (i.e. man) lives without acknowledgment and fear of its Creator (i.e. God), as pointed out by James White: Read it Here!

When It Ain't Biblically Cool to be Culturally Cool

Another great read from Fide-O regarding cultural relevance at the price of biblical infidelity: Read it Here! (Note: I especially appreciate his observation on pride and it subtle relation to "coolness").