"Why was I such a coward? Why did I never find the strength to share the gospel with her? I wonder if she was saved? Why did I let go of such an opportunity? I am reminded of Adoniram Judson who was shocked to discover that the man that was groaning all night in pain next door to him in the inn died in his sin, the very man that lured him away from the Christian faith (Judson had no idea that he was so close to him in proximity at the very hour of his death and God providentially used this event to save him). The closest thing to biblical witnessing was when I once said to her, 'We are praying for you,' after she came back from being taken to the hospital in a stretcher last year. Why was I such a stranger even though a neighbor that lives just upstairs? I wonder if they ever heard me upset or express my frustration?"
These were some of the thoughts that were running through my mind, mixed with emotions of guilt and regret, when I was told by my wife that our lady neighbor downstairs passed away a week ago (which I found out later was actually two-and-a-half weeks ago). I was quite shocked just because of the the fact that she used to live right below us.
I felt the need to at least go and offer my condolences to the man that lived with her. I introduced myself as one who lives just above him, though he already knew that. I offered him my condolences, shook hands, shared our names and talked for a few minutes. His name is Tim. He was her son. He lost his mother.
When I spoke to our apartment manager afterward, Tim's mother apparently had a brain tumor removed in the past and was quite sick before her passing. Tim was taking care of her on the night of her passing, but himself fell asleep in the midst. When he woke up in the morning, his mother was already dead.
Tim's cousin is currently staying with him just down stairs. I feel for the man but he seems to be doing "alright." He is certainly handling it better than I think I would if my mother passed away. Perhaps, he is a Christian! If not, how is it that he is handling it so well? And I still can't help but wonder if he has ever heard me upset or express my frustration, especially in light of the fact that he has heard my kids being loud at times and even my wife playing the guitar (neither of which bothers him). I want to be a good witness to Tim without any hindrances brought on by me.
I don't know what my point really is with regards to this blogpost. Perhaps, it's making a more purposeful effort to getting to know our neighbors. Perhaps, it's building a relationship with them where they can trust us and where we can lovingly share the gospel of Jesus Christ with them at a proper time. Perhaps, it's being more aware our need to be much more careful about being a witness for Christ when living in an apartment or condo or townhouse where others can more easily hear or observe us. Perhaps, it's nothing more than me wanting to share about what "rocked" my day with the few people who bother to check my blog in hopes that some spiritual lesson can or will be gleaned by them. Perhaps, it's a prayer request for Tim. Perhaps, it's not being a gospel coward. Perhaps, it's a reminder that God's grace is so big that even the sin of gospel cowardice is paid for by the precious blood of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. Perhaps, it's all of the above.
"Your pastor will stand before God and give an account for how they have led your congregation (Heb. 13;17). But every single one of us who is a disciple of the Lord Jesus Christ will give an account for whether or not we have gathered together regularly with the church , spurred the church on to love and good deeds, and fought to maintain a right teaching of the hope of the gospel (Heb. 10:23-25)."
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